Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
