I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
