My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
