My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize