I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found your dick twin last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
