A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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