Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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