oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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