And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
