She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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