There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize