Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
