it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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