I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
