remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
