i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
