I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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