allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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