Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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