the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
