She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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