Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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