just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
