I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
