i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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