it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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