guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
