Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
