I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
