Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
