Buhtt sex?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
