I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
