I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Last time i carry you out of a forest
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize