He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
