you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
