Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
