Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
