I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want nice things and good sex
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
