so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
