Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
