im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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