Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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