A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
