im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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