U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
