This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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