So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize