Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
