is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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