I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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