My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
