I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
