Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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