Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
