Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
