hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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