And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
