Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
