I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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