I think I won the penis lottery.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
