whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
