How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
false alarm. still invincible.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
