Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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