the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
