She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
