if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
