I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
