His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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