i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
