one might say we're banned from that church
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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