he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
