Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
