i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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