You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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