If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My bed smells like the plague
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
