it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
