I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
