that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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