so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
