Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
