I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
