He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
