just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
