Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
