Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
