Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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