i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
