You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
