I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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